I've been really bothered by something lately...

My nephew, Colt, has been my light at the end of the tunnel since SCY and I broke up.  Each morning when I walk downstairs I can count on him not judging me and being extremely happy to see me.  Lately this has not been the case though.  Colt has hit a stage where he is becoming slightly stubborn and borderline mean in some of his actions.  After walking downstairs now I am not greeted with a big hug, instead he ignores me or tells me he doesn't like me.  It breaks my heart every time he does it.  I truly can not blame him..he's only 2 and I'm also not worth his time.  But I think the biggest issue i'm having is that I'm realizing more and more that I am the only one that can get through this.  I can not rely on anyone but myself.  Even as innocent as enjoying being around Colt...It's not his obligation to be here for me.  Here I stand alone, miles away from my desired destination.  Which foot should I move first?  Which direction is forward?  In all reality, any direction can be forward...But what leads to happiness?  How can I find the comfort I once had?  I am hopeful.  "Fate will only get you so far, the rest is up to you".  The quote is so true.  Fate brought us back together.   The rest is up to us to live and find our way back to our world.  This is difficult, but I must keep going.

I've changed so much in these last few months.  From my work ethic to my punctuality, so many things that held a strong stance in my being are so different.

I'm ready for death.  I don't have the energy to continue this fight.  I hope something drastic happens.