Drive by encounter

Today has not been easy on my stomach.

I woke up and hit the gym and felt great.  I'm starting to become more competitive with Jesse in Crossfit and it feels great.  After my workout I got cleaned up and went to lunch and ran a few errands.   After I finished my errands I went to the bank on greatneck since it was the closest.  On my way I saw SCY driving.  I couldn't help but stare at her.  It was so quick that I'm not sure if she even saw me, but I broke into a sweat immediately.  It was not a good feeling.  I went home shortly after.

I came home and went to my room to relax.  Colt climbed the stairs and came looking for me.  I didn't even see how adorable this was until later because it freaked me out.  We sat on my bed and he looked around my room being a nosey little bugger.  He saw a picture of Sarah and me and said "Uncle Josh she's pretty".   I cried.  He turned and asked why I was sad and hugged me.  Thank god he doesn't judge me for my mistakes.  I brought Colt downstairs and left to go talk to Jay at the gym....  On my way home I pulled up a car behind SCY.  I have been avoiding driving in the area on wednesdays for a while but I thought she had finished classes...I was wrong.  A pit grew in my throat and stomach, I felt close to vomiting and I couldn't move.  I did my best to keep my distance and not pull any closer because I honestly don't know what I would've done if our eyes caught.  I worried that she would speed off and avoid looking at me and I couldn't face that so I just stayed behind.  She pulled onto London Bridge I kept going straight and as I passed I saw her face look my way.  I'm not sure if she recognized my car at the glance or if she was just looking in the direction on accident, but I balled my eyes out.  I miss her.  I've had zero contact in over a month.  Not a day goes by that I don't miss her.  Seeing her today ripped my heart to pieces.  I'm more lost now than I was before.  I want to contact her but I'm worried I'll be rejected.  I don't know if I can handle that.  I need to figure this out.  Her birthday is right around the corner and I don't think I can completely ignore it.  I'm really having a hard time with this.  Hopefully in the next few days I'll come to some decisions and also learn to cope with my heartache.  I am in love and I cannot ignore my feelings.
"Fate will only get me so far, the rest is up to me"