I'm already 15 minutes late for a workout so I don't have much time to write but I'm at least going to start this one...
A few friends pulled me out and sat me down last night to talk about life and their concerns for me. It's clear that I've been out of it but apparently I wear my emotions on my sleeve and they expressed their worries for my health...
At first I was slightly offended and hurt by the discussion but quickly accepted that my friends care and it's clear to everyone that I am a train wreck. I haven't been living. I am holding on to the idea of what we had rather than accepting what I'm being offered...which is nothing. It's going to take me a long time to even slightly understand why we are not together, or to even understand that I have to let go, but for now, it's the safest and smartest thing for me to do. In no way am I finished, In no way am I giving up, but for now I need to focus. I need time to heal, to grow, and to live. Not a day has passed that I have not missed you. This will not change. I am in love with you SCY, but with the circumstances given, I must pull myself away from the constant analyzing and questioning I've been doing. I am not ok with this decision, but I have no other choice. As an adult, I need to get through this so that I can hopefully be happy one day.
I owe a lot to my friends. They have pulled me up when I've been down more times than I can even count. In the past I considered a friend someone that would stand by me in a fight, "get my back", but now it's different. I no longer want to be on the offense. I don't even want to be on the defense, I just want to live freely. But my point in the matter is that a true friend is the one that picks you up and pats you on the back when you are laying on the floor of a bar bathroom in tears telling you "we're here for you, it's going to be ok". I will forever be indebted to the few that stand by me in life and all obstacles. I hope that I can stay strong and repay them in their times of need.
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