I am going to take a break from the story for a bit to release some feelings....
I am in pain. I am always in pain. While i've been writing these few posts I'm having difficulty focusing because I have so many memories, thoughts, and opinions going through my mind. Revisiting some of these memories is bitter sweet. Thinking of how low I was makes me feel as if I will make it out of the position I'm in. But on the other hand, thinking of the hope I once had and thinking ahead to the great times I'm going to write about is leaving me in doubt. Not of myself, not of us, but of the situation and the outside influence. I am in love and I have put myself in a position that leaves me hanging by my fingertips. I am dangling in front of a library full of romance and love stories and my library card is outdated. I've contemplated pulling out completely in order to cause you less pain, but I don't think that would actually solve anything. We would both hurt more. I can not give up. I will not give up. I will never stop my pursuit to obtain the love and comfort we share. You will always have my heart. Even if I am no longer welcome in your families presence, I will never give up and i will always try. I love you...I don't want to hurt anymore.
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